song: set on fire by magic giant
read time: 5 minutes
i think i avoid writing about relationships because i’m single — and if there’s anything i don’t want to be — it’s that single person, writing about relationships, and singleness.
but alas, here i am. writing…
chances are, if you are married — this article won’t be directed towards you, but hey, pass it on to one of your friends. there might be something good down below, but no promises.
i am twenty-eight.
an owner of two businesses.
a fiercely independent human.
at twenty-eight, no one expects you to be single still. more times than i would like, i get asked the question, “do you want to get married?” or “do you want to be in a relationship?”
i always wonder why people ask this somewhat rhetorical question. each of us were built the same, after all — with the need for companionship.
every time, i answer the same: “yes, don’t we all want to be with someone?”
often times, the overwhelming amount of questions that come with a slight shock that i’m single, also come with an undertone that i am doing too much — that i ought to slow down or lessen myself, my dreams, my goals, and my visions in order to be a more suitable “catch”.
i haven’t quite decided if people know what they are doing when they ask so many questions in the manner they do, but part of me often feels like they are guilting me for being an independent woman, who travels, who is an entrepreneur, and who enjoys creating adventures. recently, i have noticed individuals, both married and single, act as if starting businesses and traveling are both on reserve for when you have a man.
here’s my thing — nothing is on reserve.
traveling, starting businesses, chasing adventure, designing your life — all of these things can be experienced at any stage of life, regardless of your relationship status.
relationships are such a beautiful thing that were designed with intention and purpose, but i fear too many of us are treating them as the starting line for life. relationships do not define us as humans or what we are capable of.
i don’t know where you are in life, what your history is, the friendships you have around you, what your goals are, but along your journey, i hope you remember this:
- marriage is not the starting line. your life does not start the moment you say “i do”. your life starts when your lungs inhale your first breath. that’s the starting line. anything you do after that is a mile marker in the journey of life. we are each unique and headed to different destinations — therefore, we cannot measure our life’s pace to someone else’s. when you realize that you have already past the starting line on your first day of life — you’ll give yourself the freedom to live the life of your dreams— not waiting for a specific life event to happen in order to give you the “okay” to live a life you love. right now, whatever life stage you are in, whatever your relationship status is— live the life you’ve been dreaming of. you don’t need a marriage certificate to have a wildly adventurous life.
- go at life 100%, don’t hold back. don’t sit around, twiddling your thumbs, waiting to be in a relationship — go at life 100%! the world will try to tell you that if you want to be in a relationship that you have to slow down so that “potential prospects” will know you’re available and “ready” for a relationship — if you want to take that advice, go for it. here’s what i think — go at life 100%. when you go at life 100%, not holding back from experiences or opportunities, you’ll have a beautiful collision with the person you were created to be with.
- embrace the season you are in. i know, this can seem like such a lofty idea. like what does this even mean, right? it means this— stop wishing you were in a different season. if you are single, own it. invest in the friendships around you, pick up a hobby, spend time making your ideas something tangible, travel to new places, and heck— be a little selfish. do things that make you happy and spend some time getting to know yourself. make it your goal to make the season you are in to be the best damn season ever. because, truth is truth, you’ll never get these moments and seasons back in life. you’ll never get this day back, this month back, this year back. when you’re old and grey, i hope you have wild stories to pass onto your grandkids about the trouble and adventures you were finding.
- design the life you want. right now, if you are living and breathing, you have the unique opportunity to design your life. you don’t have to be passive about life and “take it as it comes” you have the ability to choose. so what do you want? really, what do you want your life to look like? you don’t have to wait until you are with a significant other to design your life, create traditions, and make life something grand. something grand is waiting for you now.
- don’t lessen yourself to become a “better catch”, you’ll end up with the wrong person. as a strong independent female, i get this one a lot. here’s the thing — if you change little parts of yourself to be with someone, three things will happen: a] you will rob the world of the magic in you — the little parts of you that make you unique, brilliant, and one-of-a-kind. b] you will rob the person you are with of actually getting to know the real you. c] eventually, you’ll end up resenting yourself and the person you are with for not being you true to who you are. the person you are tailor-made for will fall head over heels for you — just the way you are. if you have to “lessen” or “change” who you are to be with someone, think twice about it.
- don’t settle because you are tired of waiting. you are going to spend the rest of your life with the person you say “i do” to at the altar — so waiting an extra year or two for the right person, who you are just downright crazy about, is really the better option.
- your life is important — right now. at times, it may feel like everyone’s life is more important because they are in a relationship — that’s not the case. while your life may not not revolve around a significant other at the moment — your time, ideas, and thoughts are just as important as anyone else’s. don’t allow anyone to make you feel as if what is going on in your life is not as important because it doesn’t involve someone else. you are a human with a beating heart, which makes everything in your world just as important. you’ve got big things to do —get out and do them.
my little memos could go on — but i’ll bring this to an end. more than anything, whoever you are, wherever you are — live your life. don’t buy into the limiting idea that a grand and adventurous life can only be experienced when you’ve found your significant other. this life is what you make it — so make it wild, make it exciting, make it one for the books. you don’t have to wait to start crossing items off your life to-do list — you can do them now. dear friend, don’t allow the world’s plethora of questions to cause you to question your strength, independence, or dreams. you were created with intention, you are fierce for a purpose. don’t hold back for a second, thinking that it will get you to the most important things in life. be unapologetically you. your story is in the making — it’s going to be better than the fairytales. each day, each moment, each adventure, each interaction is part of the weave that’s creating the tapestry of your life. so, experience. experience it all. nothing is on reserve.
This was perfect! ..and I can SO relate as a 27-year-old, independent, single woman! You are inspiring dear! Thank you!
This is beautiful. I am recently single after a 5 year relationship and while I don’t necessarily see the pressure from others to start dating, I am finally experiencing this stage where I have the ultimate freedom to "do me" — moving to a new city, starting a new career, refusing to settle and setting the bar high on when I do decide to date again. Love this piece, thank you for sharing!
As a 59 year old female, happily married for 32 years, entrepreneur, owner of two businesses, fiercely independent, mother of one single 26 year old male who sent this to, it sounds like you are headed for a fulfilling and amazing life IN ADDITION to the life it sounds like you’re already living! You said it yourself, your life is important right now. Everything you have done makes you who you are. The only reason to look back is to see how far you’ve come!