an open letter to all my girlfriends

read time: 7 minutes

song: georgia by vance joy

dear girlfriend who cried herself to sleep last night,

i wanted to write you, because i feel it so strongly in my heart… you need to know this: you are worthy.

i know, i know — at this point, in our culture, it’s almost a cliché to say this. and maybe, sometimes, it doesn’t hold much value for you. but, you need to know how true this statement is.

you deserve so much more than what you are experiencing right now. you deserve a man who is going to fight for you, who isn’t going to be wishy washy about his feelings for you, string you along, or let you slip through his fingers.

you deserve a man who pursues you, like the fairytale kind of pursuit. i know it doesn’t seem like that exists anymore and our culture has told us, as women, that we should / can / ought to pursue men, too — but that’s not how it’s supposed to be.

i just feel it in my bones– the man you are supposed to be with is a warrior who is going to love you and chase you without abandon. there won’t be any of this limbo, back and forth, middle school kind of pursuit. and you won’t need to read “he’s just not that into you” to figure out what the heck is going on with you two. you’re gonna know without any reservations that his love and adoration is reckless and boundless.

that’s how it was designed to be.

don’t give into what culture has told us we need to do as “modern women”. let your man be a man. don’t take away his manliness by making all the first moves.

wait. be patient. because, you are worthy all on your own. there’s no prerequisite or condition to this — YOU ARE WORTHY.

you are a woman worth pursuing, a woman worth loving.

as women, it’s not uncommon to get this (silly) notion that all the good men are taken and feel that waiting for a man to relentlessly pursue you is fantastical. sometimes, i think we get in this “survival” mode — where we think to ourselves, “i’ll just take what i can get.”

boyfriend may have a few good qualities that you like, and, maybe, even love. he might be kind, handsome, and share a similar interest as you. and maybe he’s the guy that all the other girls are crushing on — but, don’t settle just because you are not sure if what you’re desire exists in the world.

if you’re dreaming of someone — how he will be, how he will love you, how he will pursue you, how he will treat you like a queen, and love you for you — he’s out there. i promise. your heart and dreams will never tease you with lofty ideas, but they’ll always show you glimmers of what the future could be.

you don’t need to settle for the guy who is just “good enough.” because, at the end of the day, that’s not being fair to either of you. you both deserve to be with people who you are a perfect match for— who together you sparkle in the sunshine and glow in even the darkest moments.

don’t be tainted by how the rest of society is approaching the whole love situation. let’s be honest, they say they have the answers and they know everything, but most of them out there wandering the world with broken hearts and broken relationships. not to be harsh or anything, but it’s not like their advice, of just taking the guy who is “good enough” and “fits the bill”, is really working for them

i know you, you want that beautiful, write-a-song-about-it, breathtaking, ravishing kind of love story. don’t give up on believing for it and waiting for it. i know it exists. i know it exists for you.

quit thinking it’ll happen for everyone else minus you. you’re no exception. love is going to find you. your manly warrior is going to find you. you won’t have to go looking for him or try to get him to notice you. you won’t have to compete for his attention. you won’t have to try to make him jealous. because, when he sees you, it’s going to be pure magic. electricity is going to pierce the atmosphere.

it can happen for you. but, you have to give life the opportunity to take your breath away and believe for the fairytale. you have to take the daring risk to stop preoccupying yourself with boys and relationships that aren’t right. and be brave enough to hold out for the right man.

i know that sometimes you question — “is this the person i am supposed to be with?” “is there even such thing as ‘spark’?” “should i be compromising what i want?” “are my expectations unattainable?”

deep down inside, i think you know the answer to all those things. you know that you should never lessen yourself, your values, your beliefs, or what you want in order to be with someone. the person you are with should love you for who you are, they ought to treat you like a queen, and push you to be better. the person you are with ought to be celebrating every crevice of who you are. and who you are as individuals ought to compliment each other in such a way that is captivating. you shouldn’t ever have to change the core of who you are for anyone.

you shouldn’t, for a split second, have to question his loyalty to you. you shouldn’t be living on edge wondering if he is gonna wake up the next day and leave you. you shouldn’t be wondering if what you said last night is going to freak him out and make him never want to call you again. you shouldn’t be in constant turmoil trying to figure out if you are “too much” or “not enough” for him. you shouldn’t feel like you have to tame your dreams in order to make him feel more secure about who he is and what he is doing in life. you shouldn’t always have to build him up only to get nothing back in return. you shouldn’t be lying in bed wondering why he’s still awake liking other girl’s photos on instagram but not texting you back. you shouldn’t be distracted while working on your dream wondering if this is or isn’t the thing. you shouldn’t be waiting on the edge of your seat all week for him to call you — only to get a call from him at  11:59 PM on saturday night asking you to hang out. you shouldn’t feel like you need to change your body in order for him to like you more. you shouldn’t feel like you have a to force a spark between you two. you shouldn’t have to be figuring out why he texts you the sweetest things, but then ignores you in front of his friends. you shouldn’t have to question if they are going to love you unconditionally and put your needs first.

because love is patient and kind. love never gives up. it is loyal and unconditional. love cares for others more than itself and always forgives. love doesn’t have a swelled head or force itself on others. love doesn’t keep score. love believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. love never fails.

don’t be afraid to wait for the one that makes your heart melt– the wild man who won’t give up on loving you.

he’s out there. that’s the truth of the matter.

so, don’t settle. k? because all of this —  it’s not a silly notion.

just promise me one thing — that you’ll believe so much in your own worthiness that you won’t ever settle or let anyone make you feel unworthy while you wait for your person— the one who sets your soul on fire.

you are worthy. and you deserve the most breathtaking and spectacular love story full of pink sunsets and stolen midnight kisses.

you are loved, my sweet friend.