set your expectations high, but remember this…

podcast

February 17, 2021

Lindsey Clark

EPISODE NO. 129 of THE DARING ROMANTICS

as dreamers,
if we want to see the magic happen in our lives,
if we want to see ourselves push the boundaries of what is possible,
if we want to disrupt culture with our ideas —

then we have to live with expectancy.
we have to take the risk.

because to expect—
is to look forward,
to eagerly anticipate,
to hold onto that feeling that good things are going to happen in the future.

that’s what it means to be a dreamer—
to wish, to dream, to hope.

as jane austen once said,
“to wish was to hope, and to hope was to expect.”

so, if we call ourselves dreamers—
we must fight to remain expectant,
even in the face of disappointment.

we must lean into faith— and, trust that even if we can’t see it a path forward or understand how our expectations are going to manifest— they will manifest. as long as we stay committed to being expectant and stay faithful to the assignment in front of us.

faith and expectancy go hand-in-hand.

tune into episode no. 129 of the daring romantics “set your expectations high, but remember this…” now available on itunes, spotify, and stitcher.

shop the merch: shop.thedaringromantics.com
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episode transcription

Hello my friends, and welcome to episode number 129 of the daring Romantic with Lindsey Eryn — and, I’m Lindsey Eryn.

The last couple weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of expectancy, and being expectant. And, I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that we’re at, you know, the beginning of a new year. but also, there’s just so many changes that are happening all around us, and change is good, change is so good. when there’s change, there is growth, even if it doesn’t feel like growth is happening, or that even good change is taking place — as dreamers and Believers, we can stand in confidence that no matter the type of change that we see unfolding all around us, that everything is going to turn in our favor.

so, even if the circumstances that we see and the reality that we are soaking in with our eyes doesn’t feel like it is matching up with our expectations or with our imagination or with what we wanted to happen — we can be at peace knowing that — it may feel chaotic right now, but at some point in time everything is going to shift and change in our favor, in our benefit.

And I think knowing this and walking through this specific season, has just taught me to be expectant. which I actually feel is so contradictory to how so much of the world Lives. and I say that, only because I was doing some research and I was looking up quotes on being expectant, and living with expectancy.

and I kid you not — every single quote that I came across, was negative — talking about how to not be expected, how to not expect much to happen, because you’ll just be disappointed —

and, honestly? reading through quotes, I was on Goodreads, and I probably went through four different pages on Goodreads, and it was just depressing! Like, how depressing — what a depressing way to live without expectation, without the thought, Without the Hope, without the idea that something good is going to happen.

Because essentially, that’s what “expectant” means — it’s the act of expecting something good to happen in the future.

I believe that we were created to live in expectancy. and, I get it, sometimes — being expectant is disappointing. it’s frustrating when you’re expecting something to happen, and it doesn’t unfold in the way that you wanted or you imagined. and sure, after a while, it can become disheartening, and it can feel safer to not have expectations. and I think that that’s how so many people live their lives — living without expectation because it feels safer.

but as dreamers, if we want to see magic happen in our lives, if we want to see ourselves push the boundaries of what is possible, if we want to disrupt culture with our ideas, then we have to live with expectancy. we have to take that risk. because, to expect it to look forward — to eagerly anticipate, to hold onto that feeling that good things are going to come and happen in the future.

that’s what it means to be a dreamer — to wish, to dream, and to hope.

Jane Austen once wrote, “to wish was to Hope, and to Hope was to expect.”

so if we call ourselves dreamers, we must fight to remain expectant — even in the face of disappointments. we must lean into faith and trust that, even if we can’t see a path forward or understand how our expectations are going to manifest in the world, they will manifest.

as long as we stay committed to staying in a posture of expectancy, and staying diligent to what we know we’re supposed to be doing. faith and expectancy — they go hand-in-hand.

in fact, I would even say that expectancy is an expression of faith. we talked about this last week, but I think that it’s worth repeating because it’s so important. we have to remember — always — that we are in control, that even though it feels like everything around us is out of our control and that there are so many elements and situations and circumstances that we do not have control of — we still are in control of ourselves, of our minds, of our perspectives, of our actions, and of our words.

and because we’re in control of ourselves — we can therefore shape our experiences in this world. we are not bystanders to our own lives — we are the authors of our lives.

right? it’s the Law of Attraction — what you are focused on is what you will attract. and, ultimately your faith paves the way for the miraculous to happen in your life. so, in the same way that you can design your life through your words and your actions and your thoughts and your perspective — You can also shape your experiences in this world with your expectancy. because when you live with expectancy, something happens within you and through you. you don’t just go through life passively, just reacting to everything that happens to you — but you become proactive.

okay, think of it like this, because you know that I love analogies — if you’re going to have a dinner party and you’re expecting guests to come to your house, what are you going to do? you’re going to prepare, right? you’re not going to just sit idly by and blindly assume that everything is going to magically come together for your dinner party.

No — you’d take the appropriate actions! you’d clean your house, you’d go to the grocery store, you’d pull out some wine glasses and the silverware and set the table. you’d prepare the food. you’d light some candles and put on some music and create an atmosphere, and then make sure that all of your guests knew how to get to your house, right? Expecting guests is going to change how you go about your day, it’s going to cause you to be proactive.

in the same way, that’s what happens when we have expectations — when we have an expectation that something is going to happen, we take a more proactive role in life. by preparing ourselves — Spirit, Mind, and Body. by staying diligent and consistent in our work and faithful to our ideas.

we lead such a different and more proactive life that is in preparation when we’re expecting something. we begin to see that, while we can’t control everything, we can certainly do our part. right? in the same way that you can’t control when your guests are going to show up, but you can certainly make sure that the food is ready, the table is set, the lights are on, the music is playing, the atmosphere is created — so that when they finally arrive, you can enjoy their presence! Right? you can still do your part as you’re expecting your guests to come.

in the same way— when we are expecting a dream or Vision or goal to come to pass, we don’t have to sit idly by — we can do our part!

we can do what we know that we’re supposed to be doing in preparation, preparing our spirit, our mind, our body — and staying diligent in our work. in the same way, that you would prepare your home for your guests while you’re waiting.

you can’t control when the dream is going to come, but you can certainly do your part to be prepared, so that when it finally comes, when your dream finally manifests — you can enjoy it and celebrate it and run forward towards your future.

no matter how you spin it — expectancy shifts your words, your thoughts, your actions. it shapes the experiences that you encounter in life. and the truth is — we’re always expecting something. it’s kind of impossible to live life void of expectations. you can expect something to happen or not to happen. you can expect something positive or negative. you can expect something good or something tragic.

it’s up to you.  but either way, what you expect shapes your behavior and your posture towards life.

so, as you know, I love Anne of Green Gables — anne is my spirit animal, she is my hero, my role model. Literally — I just love anne so much. but, as I was looking up quotes for expectancy, The only positive one that I came across was from Anne of Green Gables, and PS, if you don’t know — anne it’s a fictional character created by L.M. Montgomery, and I promise you, you need a little anne in your life, truly.

But — this quote is just so good and it’s so rich, and it perfectly describes why anne is my role model — because her outlook on life is just so different and countercultural to everybody else.

Okay, I won’t make you wait any longer, I’m going to read you the quote, and then you’ll see what I mean.

Anne says,

“Oh Marilla, looking forward to things is half the pleasure of them,” exclaimed anne. “you may not get the things themselves, but nothing can prevent you from having the fun of looking forward to them. mrs. Lynde says, ‘blessed are those who expect nothing for they shall not be disappointed.’ but I think it would be worse to expect nothing than to be disappointed…”

Okay — just how good is that? because I fully agree! I think that it would be way worse to expect nothing, than to be disappointed. there is a world of possibility available to us, but we’ll never experience those possibilities if we don’t expect them.

life will feel dull if we’re not living in this expectancy, with this joy and with this giddiness that wonderful, magical things can happen in our live

I don’t know what your journey has been, but I want to challenge you to be expectant. to give yourself permission to dream again, to wish, to have faith, to believe Against All Odds. life is better that way

and there’s a couple things that we can do and keep in mind, in order to have a better experience with expectations, because at the end of the day — I think that we’re often disappointed by expectations because we didn’t know how to manage them or interact with them.

so with that said, today I wanted to share five Rules of Engagements for expectations, five things that I hope will change the game for you, so that you can move forward with Hope and Faith and be expectant that things are going to happen in your life.

alright, so number one is to set clear expectations. and this may seem so incredibly obvious, but sometimes as human beings — I really think that we struggle with the basics. we make things so much more complicated than they actually are. but, the fact is, expectations cannot be met if they are not defined. so much disappointment happens in life and in business and relationships because we fail to do the groundwork and define our vision, define our expectations.

So, i want to challenge you to take time to think about what you want. Be bold enough to say what you want, to say what you want things to look and feel like, to say what you want to experience.

In the same way that a train cannot go where tracks have not been laid, expectations cannot be met if they are not clearly laid out.

So, write your expectations down. If they involve other people — share them. You can’t expect something out of somebody without telling them, because people cannot read your mind. And I think a lot of disappointment happens because we don’t openly share our expectations, and we are expecting other people to read our minds.

Or, we assume that they know what we want and what we expect and what we are hoping for and what we are wishing for.

But people do not know until you tell them! In the same way, right, we talk about the power of our words — if we want something, if we expect something, we have to vocalize it. Even if it’s just in the mirror to yourself, vocalize it! There is power in the words that come out of your mouth.

Because — when you release words into the atmosphere, it shifts the atmosphere. And I know that sounds woo-woo, but it’s true.

So in the upcoming days, I want you to take time to do this. Because, setting clear expectations Is going to completely shift how you experience this year. we are still at the beginning of this year, which means you still have the ability to direct the course, to decide where you’re going to go and what you’re going to experience.

there is plenty of time and time is on your side, so use time wisely by defining your expectations.

what do you want? what do you want for yourself? what do you expect out of yourself? what do you expect out of your business? What do you expect out of your business partner? your team members? what do you expect for your dreams and your aspirations and for the goals that haven’t manifested yet? write them down! Define your expectations.

in the same way that we Define our vision so that we know where we’re going, Define expectations, so that when that expectation comes, you know it’s been met. don’t brush over this step Because it feels obvious. because, it’s often the obvious things that are the most important things. so take the time, because you will be thankful that you did, trust me on this one.

alright number two — you can’t expect to reap what you do not sow

I think that as dreamers, we sometimes fall under the impression that, as soon as we step out into the arena of creating, that we will immediately experience success. but that’s not how it works. reaching success and experiencing the Fulfillment and the manifestation of what you’re expecting — it takes work, it takes faith and action.

Yes — it takes determination to step out of your comfort zone and put your ideas out there, but that’s just the first step. That’s the equivalent to going to Home Depot and buying some potted flowers to plant in your front yard, right? you can have the flowers from Home Depot, but if you don’t take them out of your car, take them out of the plastic pots, and plant them into the Earth and begin watering them, then they’ll never flourish and become that beautiful rose bush that you envisioned.

as dreamers, we have to remember that the magic we often talk about isn’t some magic potion that means that we get to opt out of working hard. No! the magic is the hard work! the magic is showing up every day to plant your ideas in the earth, to water them, and to prune them. and the reality of the situation, is that making magic doesn’t always feel like magic.

it’s not always glamorous. I think oftentimes, as dreamers and entrepreneurs, we get frustrated with ourselves and our ideas with all of our expectations, because we’re expecting things to magically work, just because we imagined it. but, imagination is only the beginning. that’s only stepping into the arena.

okay, so, personal example — I make and sell website templates. PS you can shop them — there is a 20% discount code right now, FUELEDBYFAITH is the discount code, obvi, and you can buy them at shop.thirdstoryapartment.com.

but moving on to my actual story and point — is, I make and sell website templates, and last year I made some different predictions of what I wanted to see happen and I set some different expectations for how many website templates I wanted to sell each month, and for a couple of months, i wasn’t meeting that expectation — I was falling short of my expectations and my projection. And, I was becoming really frustrated.

and, I had to look at my actions — I had to take in the hard truth of evaluating my actions and what I was doing, and I realized that my actions were not lining up with my expectation. I wasn’t putting in the consistent work to promote my templates on social media in the way that I knew that I should, in order to meet my expectation. so, I was getting frustrated that I wasn’t meeting my expectation, and I kept on blaming it on all these other things and all these other outside circumstances, when the whole time it was within my control and I actually had to take ownership of my actions and shift what I was doing.

I had to quote-unquote “water my work.” it wasn’t enough to just put them out there and have them available for purchase! I needed to be promoting them, I needed to be watering my work. I was expecting something amazing to happen, without giving my best effort.

and as soon as I took ownership and adjusted my actions and started promoting and sharing my work more often, I saw that not only did I meet my expectations — but I outdid them. my expectation was always Within Reach, but it merely required me to change my actions. so I want you to look at your expectations and your actions, and evaluate. do you need to change what you’re doing in order to better align with what your expectations are? if you want a seed to grow, you have to plant it in the earth and then water it, and then nurture it, and then prune it when it begins to grow, so that it can flourish in the way that you imagine.

and we have to learn how to do the same things with our ideas. we cannot expect to reap what we do not sow, what we do not plant, what we don’t water, and what we don’t nurture.

everything changes when we take responsibility for our ideas and water them with faith and action — that’s the magic.

Alright, number three is to respect the process. this is something that we know, is that everything in life has a process. Right? we see that all around us, in nature, in life, in humanity — and, if we bring back the analogy of the seed, it’s so easy to comprehend, right? you can’t expect to plant a seed into the Earth and then expect it to sprout the next day into this amazing rosebush. no, you would never dream of that happening. you recognize that there is a natural process that the seed must go through.

and, as dreamers, we have to remember that our dreams are seeds that must also go through a process. we can’t skip steps, we do ourselves a disservice when we set expectations that skip steps — it only leads to disappointment and to frustration. it is so great to have big dreams and big goals, but we still have to honor the process.

a couple years ago, I said that I wanted to make a million dollars, and I was dead set on this goal. I mean, I had a game plan on paper and literally, it was completely feasible in my mind. but I didn’t meet that goal. I fell short of my expectation! and, it’s not because my expectation was necessarily unachievable, but it was just that my expectation wasn’t following the process.

how could I expect to make a million dollars, when I hadn’t made my first hundred thousand dollars? I was wanting to jump from a 60k income to one million dollars, in 365 days. it was ambitious!

…but it wasn’t respecting the process. and while this may sound like, “duh, Lindsey!” — as humans, if we’re being honest, we do this often, right? we hear about some inspirational story on Instagram about how somebody had $3 in their bank account and then became a millionaire in one year after launching some business idea or some course or joining some MLM — and so we get it into our minds that this should be our expectation, that we should expect that as soon as we get into the arena, that we get to reach ultimate success.

but that’s just not how it works! Yeah, sure, those stories happen, and 100% they are inspirational. But they are unique events that do not happen often. they are unicorns.

the truth is, if you go talk to the people that you admire, that you deem as successful — they will tell you it took hard work and it was a process, that things didn’t happen overnight, that it was their diligence, their consistency, their bravery, their courage to keep on showing up that led them to where they are. it wasn’t some overnight magical experience. It was time, it was diligence, it was consistency, it was faithfulness.

so — if every time you go to launch an idea, you have this idea that it’s going to be this fairytale and magical experience that is just unlike anybody else’s story — you’re going to be sorely disappointed. because those stories are unicorns!

and while they are an inspiration, they shouldn’t be our expectation, because they actually bypass the process. and you’re literally setting yourself up for disappointment. because, if and when it doesn’t happen, you’ll begin to beat yourself up thinking that you’re not cut out for the job or that you’re not good enough — when that’s not the issue at all!

it’s just that your expectation was trying to bypass and Skip steps. it wasn’t following the process — everything in life is a process, and sometimes experiencing the expectations we have for ourselves, our dreams, and our goals — requires patience.

We have to be patient with the timeline, showing up and staying diligent to our work and faithful to our ideas. we have to recognize that we can’t skip steps, we can’t expect to make a million dollars if we haven’t made a hundred thousand dollars first. our goals and expectations shouldn’t be skipping 10 levels but — we should go in and create our expectations based on the idea of graduating from one level to the next. leveling up, little by little, inch by inch.

So look at your goals and expectations. are they honoring the process? or are they skipping steps? if they’re skipping steps, then give yourself room to readjust.

that’s not to say that you still can’t have big dreams and goals and expectations — but it’s just recognizing that it’s okay if it takes you a little bit of time to get there, and that it’s okay to honor the process. in fact — that’s healthy and sustainable.

alright, moving on to number four — expect the good and be prepared for the challenges. I love this quote from Eric Hoffer, he says, “they who lack talent expect things to happen without effort. they ascribe failure due to a lack of inspiration or ability or to Misfortune, rather than to insufficient application. at the core of every true Talent, there is an awareness of the difficulties inherent to any achievement, and the confidence that persistence and patience — something worthwhile will be realized. Thus talent is a species of vigor.”

and I love this quote, because, we are not promised that we wouldn’t face challenges if we choose to dream Chase, and live in a posture of expectancy.

rather – we were promised that if we don’t give up, our fight will be worthwhile.

challenges are a part of life, and while they are not always comfortable or wanted, when you live a life of expectancy, they always serve a purpose. so don’t wish away the challenges. rather, be prepared for them. because whether you want them or not, they’ll come. they always do. but know that when they come, you’ll be strong enough to overcome them.

you may fall, but you’ll get back up. like Eric Hoffer said, at the core of every true Talent there is an awareness of the difficulties inherent to any achievement, and the confidence that persistence and patience — something worthwhile will be realized.

great achievements never unfold without a fight. there’s always a fight, and the fight sharpens us, it pulls  out the determination and the courage, it brings things out in us — things that we didn’t know that we needed. character traits and skills and perspective that will help us and Empower us in our future.

I’ll say it again, expectancy isn’t a magic potion that Shields you from experiencing hard moments. rather, it’s living in faith. faith that even if things don’t go as planned, that you will still see everything turn around and work in your favor. To be expectant means that you are going to believe that as you show up and as you are persistently patient, you will reap the reward.

so don’t get frustrated when challenges come. Center yourself, dig your feet in, and make up your mind that you’re going to stay persistent in your faith and in your expectation. Expect the good and prepare yourself with faith for the challenges, and you’ll always come out on top.

alright last but not least, number five is to go all in.

don’t tiptoe around your goals. take the risk and go all in. I know that sometimes it feels so incredibly scary to go all in and it feels like diving into the deep end without any floaties, when you’re a little kid.

but, just because you don’t know what’s going to happen, doesn’t mean that something good isn’t going to happen. you will always fall short of your expectations if you hold back and refrain from going all in. it’s a risk, 100% — but it’s a risk worth taking.

I love the words of Ronnie Oldham, he said, “Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible.”

and as dreamers — that’s precisely what we have to do.

we have to care more, we have to risk While others are on the sidelines. we have to dream and imagine even if it defies logic. and expect more than what others Define as possible. great expectations are met with great faith. so have faith. in a world where so many people are always let down by expectations, realize that if you go all in, you will never be disappointed. because going all in means that something good is going to be on the other side.

it may not look like what you anticipated or planned for, but something good is going to come in — because you stepped out in faith. one thing always leads to the next when you go all in, because you’ve allowed curiosity to take over. and when curiosity is involved, you’re unstoppable!

because so many good things in our lives happen because we ask questions, because we lean into curiosity and ask “what if?”

allow curiosity to fuel you in the season, to fuel you to go all in. like, what would happen in your life if you went all in? what would happen in your business, in your dreams, in your relationships? take time to imagine what’s on the other side of your dare to go all in.

Let that curiosity lead you somewhere, and fuel you and drive you. because I can guarantee you, that if you go all in with your dreams and ideas — there will be something good on the other side. most people’s regret in life is, not that they went all in, but that they held back. so don’t hold back. give your ideas the best of you. wake up each morning and give your best that day. if you do, you’ll actually give yourself a fair shot of not just meeting your expectations, but outdoing them.

alright that’s it, that’s all five.

I’m going to wrap this up, but I want to leave you with this — I want to challenge you to set your expectations High. lean further into your goals with determination to see them happen. while we can’t predict the future and we don’t know what will happen tomorrow, we do know this — we know that diligence is always rewarded. your hard work is never done in vain, it always pays off. the work that you do today will lead you somewhere beautiful tomorrow.

So, keep showing up with the expectancy that the work you do each day joins together to create a bridge from where you are to where you want to be. remember — everything has a process, all of your dreams included.

so, allow your dreams to walk through the process, being nourished by the soil of your faith, being positioned in the light where they can be seen, and being watered for your diligence and hard work. and just like a plant will blossom, so will your dreams and goals.

even when it’s hard, stay diligent. even when you don’t see the results you thought you’d be getting, don’t focus on what hasn’t happened yet, and blind yourself to the possibilities of the future, and end up settling for the familiarity of the past.

even though you can’t see it right now, there’s magic happening in the soil of time and Faith. so as you go about this year — set clear expectations for yourself, for your dreams, for your goals — and then continue to water them with your work, with your words, with your faith.

Remembering that, you can’t reap what you do not sow. And then remember to respect the process, remembering that everything comes to life, in the right time, in the right place, in the right way. Expect the good and be prepared for the challenges, knowing that no matter what comes your way, you’ll be strong enough to overcome it. and, go all in — don’t hold back in your efforts or your faith.

believe in yourself and Trust the process. your faithfulness will be the Catalyst for beautiful things to Blossom in your life, I’m sure of that.

alright my friend, you got this. let’s go out into the world this week and make some magic — because there is Magic in our bones.

Hi friend! thank you so much for tuning into this episode of the daring Romantics. I hope that you enjoyed it and that it brought some value to your life. if you did, please go ahead and share it with a friend or post your favorite clip of the episode on your Instagram stories. and then if you haven’t already, rate and review in iTunes — that’ll help this podcast continue to grow and impact other people.

also, there is merch available that you can shop at shop.Thedaringromantics.com — there are crewnecks and phone cases and prints for your home.

also, you can stay motivated all week long with the app PEPTALKS, which is available in the Apple App Store or Google Play — just search peptalks by Lindsey Eryn to download daily peptalks and affirmations and words of hope that are pushed your phone all day long.

And, last but not least, I put out a little bit of a teaser during the episode — but you can get 20% off any of the website templates in my third story apartment shop at shop.Thirdstoryapartment.com using the promo code FUELEDBYFAITH.

Alright, that is officially it! I will talk to you next week.

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